


Hope

by Kithri



Series: Mixed Feelings [4]
Category: Worm - Wildbow
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-03
Updated: 2016-08-03
Packaged: 2018-07-29 02:51:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,934
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7667425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kithri/pseuds/Kithri
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Brockton Bay's newest Ward is having a hard time adjusting, so one of the PRT soldiers offers him some advice.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hope

**Author's Note:**

> This is the incident recalled by Nick in Chapter 8 of 'Testing, Testing.'

“I’m so sorry!” the kid practically yelped, his voice cracking a little. “I didn’t mean to do that. You startled me!” The shield on his chest glinted in the late afternoon sunlight as he clasped his hands awkwardly behind his back, taking a deep breath. And then another one. It took a third breath before he could speak with something like composure. “Are you alright? Do you need medical attention?”  
  
“Fine. I’m fine,” Nick’s downed colleague murmured, somewhat dazedly. “Sure hope someone got the number of the truck that hit me, though.”  
  
Aegis hunched a little inside his armour. “I’m sorry,” he said again, sounding thoroughly miserable.  
  
“Don’t know your own strength, huh?” Nick asked, keeping his tone gentle and his movements slow and smooth as he manoeuvred around the agitated young parahuman to check on Jinx.  
  
“I’m… still working on that,” Aegis said. He straightened up with what looked like an effort of will, his tone earnest as he continued: “It it getting better, though, and most of the time it’s not a problem. It’s just…” He shrugged, the gesture made a little stiff and awkward by the fact that he still had his hands clasped behind his back, looking down at Jinx, who had at least managed to sit up. “Like I said: you startled me.” Hurriedly, he added: “I know that’s not an excuse, though, and I’m sorry I hit you.”  
  
“That’s okay,” Jinx said, his voice surprisingly cheerful considering he’d just been knocked on his ass. “That’s what the armour’s for. Anyway, I think I landed on something soft. So, no harm done.”  
  
“Only to your dignity, huh?” Nick murmured, relieved. He started to bend to help Jinx to his feet, and then stopped, wrinkling his nose. “What’s that smell?”  
  
Jinx sniffed, looked around, and then groaned. “Well, shit.”  
  
“No, it just smells like it,” Nick said, chuckling. He shook his head. “Only you, Murphy,” he said. “A whole alleyway to land in, and where do you end up? In a pile of overripe garbage bags. And you wonder why we call you Jinx.”  
  
“At least it was a soft landing,” Jinx said, as determined as ever to look on the bright side. He turned to look at Nick, who was backing away from him. “You’re not even going to help me up?” He sounded indignant behind the faceplate of his helmet.  
  
“Not a fucking chance,” Nick said firmly. “You smell like ass. Rotting ass. Unless you’re actually injured, I wouldn’t touch you with a ten foot pole. And I hope you don’t think you’re getting back in the van like that.”  
  
“Oh, come on!” Jinx protested.  
  
“I’m really sorry,” Aegis said, yet again. “Let me help you up.”  
  
He started to move forward, but Jinx waved him off. “Nah, that’s okay. No point in both of us reeking to high heaven. I’ve got it.” He got carefully to his feet, almost ending up on his ass again as something squished wetly under one boot, sending it skidding forward so that he had to catch himself on the wall. Now that he was upright, it was clear that at least one of the bags had burst like the skin of an overripe peach, its deliquescing innards — well, those that weren’t currently clinging to Jinx — spilling forth into the alleyway in a clotted tide of stinking filth.  
  
Aegis twitched like he was about to rush forward and help anyway, which might not have been the best of ideas if he really was having trouble controlling his strength, so Nick cleared his throat, drawing the kid’s attention.  
  
“So,” he began carefully. “We should probably introduce ourselves. I’m Stewart, and Mr Stinky over there is Jinx.”  
  
“Murphy!” Jinx corrected indignantly.  
  
“Like I said,” Nick continued smoothly. “He’s Jinx. And, obviously we know who you are.” Of course they knew about Brockton Bay’s newest Ward, although these weren’t quite the circumstances under which Nick might have envisaged meeting him. “So, nice to meet you, Aegis.”  
  
“I doubt that second bit’s true,” Aegis muttered, grimacing. Finally unclasping his hands, he lifted one of them to rub at the back of his neck, shifting restlessly in place as if he had too much energy to stay still. He coughed. “I haven’t exactly made the best first impression on you guys, have I?”  
  
“Oh, I don’t know,” Nick drawled, unable to help himself. “You seem to have left quite an impression on poor Jinx.”  
  
Aegis hunched in on himself even more. “I really didn’t mean to,” he started again, but Jinx waved off the apology before he finished it.  
  
“Don’t worry about it, really,” he said easily. “The only thing hurt was my pride.” He coughed beneath his helmet. “And maybe my sense of smell. Jesus, this reeks.”  
  
“And that’s why you’re not getting back in the van until you’ve been hosed down,” said Nick, firmly. “Speaking of which: I’d better check in.”  
  
“Do you have to tell them about… this?” Aegis asked quickly, waving a hand in the general direction of Jinx and the steadily oozing garbage bags. “Or about me being here at all?”  
  
Nick studied him thoughtfully for a moment. “I didn’t think you’d been cleared for patrols yet,” he observed, keeping his tone neutral. _And certainly not solo patrols,_ he added, in the privacy of his own mind. Aegis muttered something that Nick couldn’t quite make out. “I’m sorry, I didn’t quite catch that,” he said.  
  
Aegis sighed heavily and then straightened, lifting his chin and putting his shoulders back. “I said, I haven’t been cleared,” he repeated, his tone just a hair shy of belligerent, practically daring Nick to call him on it. He started pacing back and forth, his movements stiff and his voice sharp with anger. “But that’s stupid!” he said, the words seemingly aimed more at himself than at Nick and Jinx. “I’m ready; I’m more than ready. I **should** be out here. I should be helping people!” He whirled suddenly and slammed the palm of his hand against the wall, hard, the slap of the impact making Nick wince. Aegis remained where he was, braced against the wall, his chest heaving. “I should be helping people,” he repeated, more quietly.  
  
Nick signed to Jinx to back away and give the two of them some space. No sense making the kid feel like he was surrounded. Jinx signalled acknowledgement and carefully made his way towards the end of the alleyway. Nick took a slow, deep breath, and promptly wished he hadn’t as he got a lungful of rotten garbage stench. His coughed, his eyes watering a little.  
  
“Helping people, huh?” he asked gently, when he was sure he could speak again without coughing. “Is that why you were heading into E88 territory?”  
  
Aegis stiffened, pushing off the wall as he turned to look at Nick. If it wasn’t for the fact that they were both wearing helmets, Nick had a feeling that Aegis would be looking him directly in the eyes.  
  
“E88 members hurt people,” Aegis said. He spoke quietly, but passionately, his voice thick with emotion. His body was so tense that Nick was half-expecting him to start vibrating in place. “They kill people. Dealing with them **is** helping.”  
  
“Dealing with them?” Nick echoed.  
  
Aegis’ gloves creaked as his hands tightened into fists. “Yeah,” he said, the word sounding like it emerged through clenched teeth.  
  
Nick considered his next words very carefully. “I get where you’re coming from,” he said quietly; seriously. “I’ve seen the things they do. No question, Brockton Bay would be a hell of a lot better off without a bunch of nazis running rampant. But this isn’t the way.”  
  
Aegis’ lip curled in a sneer. “Let me guess: I shouldn’t give in to anger. I should be the better person. I shouldn’t let grief drive me into doing something I’ll regret.” The words practically dripped with contempt, but there was something else there too; something raw and primal and pained that made Nick’s heart clench to hear it. Especially coming from a kid.  
  
(It made another part of his mind kick into higher gear, threat-response calculations giving him options for dealing with an angry brute in close quarters. Just in case.)  
  
“That’s probably all true,” Nick said, taking a chance; deliberately adopting a light, careless tone. “But what I meant was: there are more effective ways of going about it.”  
  
There was a pause, and then: “What?”  
  
The anger was still there, but it was overlaid with confusion. That was good; confusion was good. Less chance that Nick would end up sharing Jinx’s fate. Or worse.  
  
“E88 have been doing this a while,” Nick said, matter-of-factly. “They’ve got some competent, nasty pieces of work in their line-up. You’re new to your powers and you’ve even barely started your training. Plus, you’re out here alone, and I’m guessing no one back at base knows where you are.” Aegis twitched and looked away, which was an admission of guilt if ever Nick saw one. “If something goes wrong, you could end up in real trouble, and you getting hurt — or worse — isn’t going to help a damned soul.”  
  
“I’m pretty hard to hurt these days,” Aegis muttered, hunching in on himself again as he kept his gaze on the ground.  
  
“That’s as maybe,” Nick said, choosing his words carefully. “But merely being able to walk away afterwards isn’t the same as making a difference.” Taking a gamble — although, he thought, not much of one — he added: “And I think you want to make a difference.”  
  
“Yeah,” Aegis said, so quietly that Nick had to strain to hear it.  
  
“Can I give you some advice?”  
  
Aegis lifted his head. “Do I have a choice?” he asked, the angry defiance making a brief resurgence.  
  
“Sure you do,” Nick said easily, rolling his shoulders in a careless shrug. “Just tell me you don’t want to hear it, and I’ll keep my mouth shut.”  
  
A handful of moments went by, and then Aegis sighed softly, uncurling from his his hunched, tense posture.  
  
“What advice?” he asked softly.  
  
“Finish your training. Follow procedure. Work with your team. Give yourself the best chance you can. E88 aren’t going to do you any favours, so don’t do them any. If you really want to make a difference — if you don’t want to end up as just another statistic — you need to be smart about it. Understand?”  
  
Silence fell for a few moments, and then Aegis nodded, once. “I think so,” he said. He sighed so deeply it was almost a groan. “I am going to be in so much trouble if Armsmaster finds out I came out in costume,” he muttered. “Or, worse, Miss Militia.”  
  
“Surprised that’s not the other way around,” Nick drawled, amused. Armsmaster was the one in charge, after all. (Although there had been a rumour that that might be about to change, at least as far as the Wards were concerned. Cav had been remarkably tight-lipped on the subject, which meant there probably was some fire to that smoke.)  
  
Aegis’ mouth twisted in a grimace. “Armsmaster will just lecture you,” he muttered. “Miss Militia will make you **suffer**.” He froze. In a slightly panicked voice, he added: “Please don’t tell her I said that.”  
  
“I didn’t hear a thing,” Nick assured him, doing his level best to keep the laughter from his voice.  
  
“I, um…” Aegis rubbed the back of his neck again, a thin thread of hope in his voice, as he asked: “I don’t suppose there’s any way you could maybe… not mention you saw me, is there?”  
  
“I’m afraid it’s a little late for that,” Nick said apologetically, with a pang of genuine regret. “We were sort of… looking for you.”  
  
“What?”  
  
“Well, not you specifically,” Nick hastened to assure him. “We were actually investigating reports of potential cape activity, but we called it in as soon as we got a confirmed sighting.”  
  
Not to mention that Jinx would have undoubtedly updated the rest of the squad with the fact that Nick was in the process of talking Aegis down, so to speak.  
  
“And… you told them it was me.”  
  
It wasn’t really a question, but Nick nodded anyway.  
  
“Sorry. Didn’t realise you were AWOL at the time.”  
  
Aegis slumped. “That’s okay,” he said, sounding resigned. “You were just doing your job. You don’t need to apologise.” He sighed, and then drew himself upright, once more meeting Nick’s gaze faceplate to faceplate. “Are you supposed to take me back to the Protectorate HQ?”  
  
“‘Fraid so,” Nick said lightly. “You going to come quietly?”  
  
“Yeah, I guess,” Aegis said, dejectedly. He sighed. “I’m not… I don’t normally do things like this,” he said, earnestly. “I usually follow the rules. It’s just…” He waved his hands vaguely, clearly struggling for words. Nick stayed quiet, giving him the time to collect his thoughts. “It just makes me so **angry**!” he burst out. “Knowing that they’re out here. Knowing that they think Brockton Bay is theirs. That they can do whatever the fuck they want; hurt whoever the fuck they want.” He broke off, his chest heaving again. His voice, when he next spoke, was hoarse. “That they can kill whoever they want.”  
  
 _Poor kid…_  
  
“We won’t let them,” Nick said quietly, mentally crossing his fingers as he added: “Brockton Bay isn’t theirs. It’s ours. And we’re going to show them that.” He paused there for a moment, giving his words the chance to sink in. (Trying to push away the bitter taste of hypocrisy and ashes the words — the lies — left in his mouth. But that didn’t matter. Giving the kid something to hope for was far more important than salving his own conscience with the truth. Because, at this point, the truth would harm more than it would help. The last thing they needed was another of the parahumans on their side giving into despair and walking away from this fight. Or getting himself killed because he went off half-cocked.) “We just have to go about it the right way,” he finished.  
  
Aegis was quiet for a long moment, and then he nodded, slowly. “I understand,” he said, quietly. “Thank you.”  
  
“All part of the service,” Nick drawled, trying to ignore the way his gut roiled uneasily at Aegis’ unquestioning acceptance of his words. “Speaking of which, just let me call in, and then we’ll chauffeur you back to base. Okay?”  
  
“Okay,” Aegis said, glumly.  
  
Shaking his head, Nick moved a short distance away, and then activated his comms. “Stewart to Van,” he said, on his squad’s channel. “Package acquired. Heading back now. Usher, you can stand down.” Lightly, he added: “Unless you want to foam Jinx in an attempt to try to contain that stench. Over.”  
  
“Hey!” Jinx broke in, indignantly.  
  
“Usher here. Will take under advisement, Stewart,” came Mills' deadpan voice.  
  
“Hey,” Jinx said again. “That’s not-“  
  
“Copy, Stewart,” Lysowski said firmly, interrupting whatever Jinx had been about to say. “Will advise PHQ. Over.”  
  
“One wayward Ward homeward bound,” came Marlene’s familiar drawl, and he could picture her smirk as clearly as if she was standing right in front of him. “Nice work, Prince.”  
  
He tried not to grit his teeth. Or grin. Or maybe both. “Copy, Lysowski,” he said, pointedly ignoring Marlene. “Stewart out.” He headed back towards Aegis, who was pacing restlessly. Mindful of Jinx’s mistake, he made sure he was well out of clobbering range when he stopped and called out: “Ready to go?”  
  
“Ready as I’ll ever be,” Aegis said, falling into step with Nick as they made their way to the van. He sighed. “I’m going to be on punishment detail for a week,” he muttered.  
  
Nick laughed. “Look on the bright side,” he said. “At least it’ll give you the chance to think about what you want to do, and how you want to do it.”  
  
“I guess.” Aegis didn’t sound convinced. Before they reached the mouth of the alleyway, he came to a halt, turning his face towards Nick. “Can I ask you a question?” He sounded cautious, his posture tense.  
  
“You can ask,” Nick said genially, also coming to a halt. “I can’t promise I’ll answer, though.”  
  
“Do you really think we can make a difference?”  
  
Well. That was a question and a half.  
  
“That’s why I’m here,” Nick said. “It’s why I joined the PRT.” Even though he sometimes looked at the mess that was Brockton Bay and wondered why the hell they even bothered. But Aegis’ lips pressed together, the skin around them tightening, and Nick was all too aware that his words weren’t enough; that he hadn’t answered the question. Not really. So he took a slow, deep breath, trying to expel the doubts that bubbled up inside him along with the exhaled air. “Yes,” he said firmly. “I do think we can make a difference.”  
  
And, despite the fears and the doubts that plagued him sometimes, despite the occasions when he skirted a little too close to the abyss of despair than he would like, he really did believe that.  
  
He had to believe it.  
  
But that wasn’t the important thing.  
  
Aegis thought for a moment, and then he nodded, his teeth showing white against his skin as he flashed them in a broad smile.  
  
“Thank you,” he said, and when they set off walking again, there was, well, not exactly a spring in his step, but his movements had an air of determination. Of purpose.  
  
The important thing was that Aegis believed it.  
  
After all, the Protectorate needed every cape they could get.


End file.
